I’ve migrated my blog posts and twitter feed for my 2011 side project, Hypothetical Fatherhood, to here at The Life Mosaic.
In the months leading up to becoming a father in 2011, I created Hypothetical Fatherhood to explore and share some of the creative-yet-inappropriate ideas running through my head as I prepared for this new role in my life. Eventually, I lost steam for posting on the blog, which required quite a bit of time commitment, and shifted to a Twitter-only feed. However, I found keeping up the character of a “meta” version of myself wasn’t authentic enough for me to feel invested, especially on Twitter where it seems like a majority of my friends are themselves there and I was just in it for the jokes. It was fun and I’m glad for the experiment, and in the end it was yet one more thing on my plate and I let it go.
That’s one of the best things about creativity: sometimes, you get to let something go.
So I let it go. And now I bring it here. So it lives on, archived for (at the very least) my own amusement and to confuse people who happen into a Hypothetical Fatherhood post and think I’m actually suggesting we use Klingon war blades to cut the umbilical cord. If you find one of these posts, please know – they are jokes. They’re all re-categorized as “bits” and tagged “hypothetical fatherhood” with a link to this particular post at the top to help alleviate any potential confusion. I haven’t figured out what to do with the Twitter posts, yet. That feed was fun, really. It’s a cute archive of my reactions to my first daughter in her first few years and learning what it is to be a father. If I figure out a way to migrate them over, I will.
Here is an archive list of the Hypothetical Fatherhood posts:
- HF #1 | Baby’s Bed Spread
- HF #2 | Baby’s First Word
- HF #3 | Breast Milk Storage: Star Wars Style
- HF #4 | Cut the Cord
- HF #5 | Wishful Thinking Soundtrack – Driving to the Hospital: Hair Metal Edition
- HF #6 | George Lucas Appeals to Dads, Episode I
- HF #7 | Enter Real Fatherhood
- HF #8 | George Lucas Appeals to Dads, Episode II
- HF #9 | New Similes for “Snug as a Bug in a Rug”
- HF #10 | Hypothetical Dad @ Twitter Feed
Here’s what I wrote in 2011 for the About page:
As my wife and I prepared for the arrival of our first child in September, 2011, I showed a great deal of responsible behavior. I read baby books, I attended baby classes, I put together baby furniture. I even interacted with other peoples’ babies in an affectionate and appropriate manner. Preparing to be a father was been a fascinating journey and just when I thought I was ready, I learned about something else in the world of babies that left me feeling more unprepared than ever. Certainly, now that I’m a father, everything will always be smooth sailing.
Yet along my responsible way of learning what good fatherhood should be, I found my inner sense of inappropriateness ignited. As we shopped for crib bedspread sets, I thought about the horror film themed sets that will never exist. When my wife asked me what we would teach out children about different topics, I immediately wondered what would happen if we told them the sky was called “tiger.” And when it came to child behavior topics, I couldn’t help but chuckle when I considered the grand sociological experiment that would be raising a child to see high fives as always appropriate for agreements and to never trust handshaking.
But I would never do any of that. That’s inappropriate. It’s also funny, it an admittedly twisted way. Hypthetical Fatherhood is dedicated to the creative-yet-inappropriate ideas running through a father’s head about all the stuff he wishes he could do, have, or say when it comes to raising his children. If you’ve ever wished your child’s first word was “Ninja,” if you’ve ever dreamed of laying your child down to sleep in a Cthulu crib bedspread, or if you’ve ever even joked about skipping playing “Peek-A-Boo” to play a round of “That’s Not a Knife,” then Hypothetical Fatherhood is for you.
HypotheticalFatherhood.com is a satire. HypotheticalFatherhood.com is a satire and for entertainment purposes only. It is not medical, behavioral, or parenting advice. If a portion of Hypothetical Fatherhood is cited, consult the primary source. If it’s not cited, it’s not real.
– – –
Feel free to take a look and your comments are welcomed, too.