Hypothetical Fatherhood #5 | Wishful Thinking Soundtrack – Driving to the Hospital: Hair Metal Edition

This post originally appeared at HypotheticalFatherhood.com, my 2011 side project as I prepared to become a father. Please click here to read more about the project, its migration to The Life Mosaic, and see the entire HF archive list.

One of the best ways a father can show the baby’s mother that he’s going to be an excellent, supportive partner in the delivery room is in how he gets her there. Packing her overnight bag, helping her into the car, and getting her to the hospital safely is all important, without a doubt. But don’t forget the importance of what happens during that ride. She’s going to need to breathe. She’s going to need to squeeze your hand. She’s going to need to know you’re there for her. And that’s why you’ve chosen a great playlist to both help Mom calm down and help give you the adrenaline rush you need to speed your way to the hospital. This is the soundtrack to how you get Mom and Baby to the hospital. At least, it’s what you wish was the soundtrack.

Wishful Thinking Soundtrack – Driving to the Hospital: Hair Metal Edition

5. “Master of Puppets” by Metallica


Time: 8:30
Steering Wheel Thumpability:
Fair/Good. It’s a long song so you may choose only to do so during the chorus or those, “MASTER! … MASTER! …” moments.
Appropriate Lyrics: “Blinded by me / You can’t see a thing / Just call my name ’cause I’ll hear you scream / Master! / Master!” can help the mother be comforted that you’ll be there for every part of the labor and that she is, indeed, the master of puppets and 100% in charge.
Inappropriate Lyrics: “Pain monopoly / Ritual misery / Chop your breakfast on a mirror” will make Mom not only think about the labor pain she’s in, she may start to think about that wonderful epidural even if she’s been adamant up to this point that she wants little to no drugs. Plus, with a lyric like, “chop your breakfast on a mirror,” she may consider more drugs than just an epidural and that’s not cool, man.
Will Mom Like It: Depends on whether Mom is into the classics but overall she should love screaming along with the “MASTER! … MASTER!” moments to master the labor pain. That said, she may not like that you picked such a long song because it means you anticipate the drive to be longer, too, which means that much longer in a painful car ride for her.
The simple, rhythmic chorus and the bridge that offers a change-up will aid Mom with her breathing so give this one a whirl. Play It.

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