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Hypothetical Fatherhood #5 | Wishful Thinking Soundtrack – Driving to the Hospital: Hair Metal Edition

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This post originally appeared at HypotheticalFatherhood.com, my 2011 side project as I prepared to become a father. Please click here to read more about the project, its migration to The Life Mosaic, and see the entire HF archive list.

One of the best ways a father can show the baby’s mother that he’s going to be an excellent, supportive partner in the delivery room is in how he gets her there. Packing her overnight bag, helping her into the car, and getting her to the hospital safely is all important, without a doubt. But don’t forget the importance of what happens during that ride. She’s going to need to breathe. She’s going to need to squeeze your hand. She’s going to need to know you’re there for her. And that’s why you’ve chosen a great playlist to both help Mom calm down and help give you the adrenaline rush you need to speed your way to the hospital. This is the soundtrack to how you get Mom and Baby to the hospital. At least, it’s what you wish was the soundtrack.

Wishful Thinking Soundtrack – Driving to the Hospital: Hair Metal Edition

5. “Master of Puppets” by Metallica

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hEyVQDRA]

Time: 8:30
BPM: 105
Steering Wheel Thumpability: Fair/Good. It’s a long song so you may choose only to do so during the chorus or those, “MASTER! … MASTER! …” moments.
Appropriate Lyrics: “Blinded by me / You can’t see a thing / Just call my name ’cause I’ll hear you scream / Master! / Master!” can help the mother be comforted that you’ll be there for every part of the labor and that she is, indeed, the master of puppets and 100% in charge.
Inappropriate Lyrics: “Pain monopoly / Ritual misery / Chop your breakfast on a mirror” will make Mom not only think about the labor pain she’s in, she may start to think about that wonderful epidural even if she’s been adamant up to this point that she wants little to no drugs. Plus, with a lyric like, “chop your breakfast on a mirror,” she may consider more drugs than just an epidural and that’s not cool, man.
Will Mom Like It: Depends on whether Mom is into the classics but overall she should love screaming along with the “MASTER! … MASTER!” moments to master the labor pain. That said, she may not like that you picked such a long song because it means you anticipate the drive to be longer, too, which means that much longer in a painful car ride for her.
Verdict: The simple, rhythmic chorus and the bridge that offers a change-up will aid Mom with her breathing so give this one a whirl. Play It.

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Hypothetical Fatherhood #4 | Cut the Cord

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This post originally appeared at HypotheticalFatherhood.com, my 2011 side project as I prepared to become a father. Please click here to read more about the project, its migration to The Life Mosaic, and see the entire HF archive list.

Cutting the umbilical cord is a special moment for a new dad. Some fathers have emotional difficulty doing so because they’re worried about any pain that could result from cutting tissue connected to the mother and the baby. Don’t worry, though, because there are no nerve endings in the umbilical cord and no one will feel any pain from the severing whatsoever. Now that that’s out of the way, you can also get the little scissors the doctor or midwife will hand you out of the way, too, because you have a lot more options available to you when it comes time to cut the cord.

Ten Ways You Can Never Cut the Cord:

10. Craft Scissors

Pick the pattern that works the best to create a stylin’ stomach stump on baby for the next few days.

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Hypothetical Fatherhood #2 | Baby’s First Word

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This post originally appeared at HypotheticalFatherhood.com, my 2011 side project as I prepared to become a father. Please click here to read more about the project, its migration to The Life Mosaic, and see the entire HF archive list.

Baby’s first word. A beautiful sound to any father’s ears, particularly if it’s “Da-Da.” But what if baby’s first word showed it’s shared interest in something you enjoy? Such a profound commonality, and to be put forth with baby’s first word, no less! The bond between baby and father would be that much stronger.

Ten “Baby’s First Words” You’ll Never Hear (But Maybe Wish You Would):

10. “Baseball!”

There’s a ritual that many fathers have with their children: bringing them to their first baseball game. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to know all those years spent memorizing thousands of stats, rosters, games, and so on are all going to pay off with your offspring?

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